Dealing with Family and Friends...

This was a rough subject for me. I had kind of a hard time explaining my relationship with L to my family and friends. My mother was and is still my biggest supporter when it comes to me and L, which was my major concern. I explained to her what was going on and of course in the beginning she had some concerns but soon after she seen how happy I was, she realized that this was good for me. Til this day I can talk to my mom about anything regarding my relationship with L and she is very supportive of us. My mom has noticed lots of changes within me since me and L

Now the rest of my family really don't speak on it. I mainly talk to my younger cousins and they know more then my older relatives know. I believe that they speak of it and are concerned but no one has ever expressed concern to it to me. I have some aunts and uncles whom I can speak with regarding everything and they are supportive even though they may not agree with my decision. They don't usually express their opinions about our relationship so there is little to none confrontation about it.

Now my friends on the other hand have known me for years and know lots about me. They know things about me that others do not know. They know how my past was with other relationships and things I had gotten myself into prior to me meeting L. My friends know that I am not the type that rejects advice. Some of them expressed concern with me and L being together and some of them chose to say things to other people regarding my relationship. Since being in this relationship, I have found out lots about the people around me. Once it was out in the open that I was with him and that I was extremly happy, some I guess, didn't like it. I say "didn't like it" because they have never really told me why they chose to downplay my relationship or talk about it in a negative manner. I had thought my family would be the hard part but it ended up being my friends. People that I had known for years were showing me their true colors. It wasn't that they were telling me what they thought about our relationship and it was their opinion. I respect others opinions. If it were about their opinion then I am sure we would still be on great terms. It was the fact that they couldn't come to me with their concerns. Instead they chose to go behind my back about it. I would cry and cry to L on the phone while I told him something new that I had heard and at times I honestly couldn't believe my ears. After a while I chose to distance myself from certain people to remove the negative vibes from my life and my surroundings. Since then I have been much more happy and calmer. I don't have the same drama in my life and I am more relaxed and content with my relationship. I had realized with me being with L that I had lots of people in my life that was only supposed to be in my life for a couple of seasons, but I held on to them a lot longer then I was supposed to. In the end I learned a lesson and I have moved on from it.

My friends concerns were that he could come home and do me wrong. Ok, yes he could do that. I could be with L until he comes home and then he could be the total opposite of what he has said to me. I have thought about that. But I could also be with someone out in the free world who has spent the past 4 years treating me right and think that we are happy together and then get a rude awakening when I find out he got someone else pregnant. Things happen all the time and no one can predict what the future holds. The only thing you can do is pray for a wonderful outcome. Do I think L would come home and do me wrong? No, of course I don't think that way. However if it did happen then I would be hurt and then I would take time to acknowledge the lesson that was taught to me during the relationship and take heed to it.

Another concern that was expressed to me was that I have a seven year old daughter. What I had to let my friends know was that I do not plan to just jump head first into taking her up to the prison to see L. Not only am I not crazy enough to do that but L would not have liked it as well. We took our time regarding my daughter slowly getting to know who L is. Rushing things with her could only hurt her and that is far from what I was trying to do.

There were some friends who couldn't get past the whole idea of someone in Prison actually changing and not being the same person that they were when they first entered the Prison. People in Prison are just like us. We do something wrong, something that we aren't supposed to do and we may or may not get caught doing it. We can chang the type of person that we once were. It is up to us. I know I am not the same person I was in High School. Heck, I am not the same person I was a year from now. I would like to think that I have changed for the better and I have belief that L has also changed for the better.

All in All there are going to be some people who support you 100%. And to those friends I thank them every day. There may not be many, we may not see each other on a regular basis, but they are there when I need them and if they have some concern I know they will come to me and we will sit down and have something to eat and talk about it. I know they won't hold anything back. They will be the true friends that they have been to me.

There will also be some people who don't support you and to them I sadly shake my head. Knowing how many people claim to be someones friends and claim to be real and tell it like it is, it makes me sad that they aren't REALLY able to express their feelings to someone they say is a FRIEND.

L was wonderful with supporting me while I went through the change with my friends and family. If I needed to cry he let me cry and then made me laugh. If I needed to scream and yel, then he let me scream and yell and then talked me back down to a normal tone. He did what a perosn who is in Love is supposed to do.....He was THERE for me.

We both realized that we couldn't build our relationship the way that anyone else saw fit. We had to do this for Soraya and L.

We make this work for US...not everyone else.