Starting New, Update

(From left to right): Visits every two weeks: Trip to New York to see Bestie: Cianni first Lakers basketball game:Trip to Baltimore to see my other Bestie: Cianni gets straight A's: Surprise trip to Disney World: Turning 30: Pennsylvania gets rid of Pre-Release: Surprise Justin Bieber concert: Best 9th Birthday Party ever: Work is Great!!! Legalizing our Marriage: So much has gone on in my little world. There obviously isn't enough time in the day for me to explain that me and my family have been through and experieced. The pictures above are a small update to show what we have been doing and things that have come and gone in the past almost two years since my last blog entry. Time is a beautiful thing, but it goes by very fast. One of my long term goals is to try and make time move a little slower so that I can do everything that I want to do. There, you have been updated on some of the things that have been going on. My little world seems to be getting bigger by the minute and sometimes I don't feel like I can handle it. So many things for me to do but not enough time in the day. But this isn't new. This is something that every mother and wife go through. I'm just using the "wish factor" right now. L and I are coming up on our two year marriage anniversary. It almost seems like just last month we were married. Then I think about how far we have come and I realize in reality it seems we have been married forever. Some may say that my marriage "doesn't count" because L isn't home with me. Well, contrary to what they say and think, my marriage is hard work. Just as any other marriage. Women and men who have a spouse whom is incarcerated aren't thrown the smooth end of the stick because of where the spouse is. It hardly isn't "peaches and cream" because we may not have to deal with the every day issues that married couples usually have to deal with like, him putting the toilet seat down or her making sure dinner is prepared and the house is clean before he gets home from work. We have our own set of craziness we have to deal with. Like, getting a certain number of letters in the mail every week or reserving time to have phone calls and making the phone time special and not seem routine or like an every day drill. I actually look forward to telling L not to foget to put the toilet seat down. People also assume that if my spouse is in prison then I am being used, or I am settling for less then what I deserve. Which neither applies to me. But, the part that I don't get is that people act like either of those two things only occur with prison. Like it can't happen on the outside. As if they never had a friend tell them a story of them being used by their "supposed to be" significant other. I went through the same "what if's" that any other person would go through in the beginning of a new relationship. We got past all of that and here we are approaching two years of marriage and three years of being together. We have gone through our set of problems but the one thing we always strive for is to work through any and eveyr problem together. Since May 22,2010, I haven't gone through one single problem by myself. I've always kept that space in my heart to allow my husband to be there for me the best way he knew how at the moment. We already know he can't be here every day physically. So we work around it. And we get through it. Together. Shutting him out when I have a problem is like saying "No" to our marriage and we both refuse to do that to what we have built together. There is no such thing as going a day with not speaking to each other because we are mad. If he has a problem, I hear about it via phone or when I get to a visit. If I am mad, I send him a email(jpay) early in the morning so that I know he will get it that day and we can talk about it when he calls. Letting our feelings and emotions settle is like knowing the Devil is in your home and you letting him get comfortable on the couch. We discuss family matters just like any other family. Rather like any other family should. We go over finances, school, work, activities and still make time to have those one on one cuddle, date day moments. I realized a long time ago that he wouldn't be here by my side at night. I dream about what it will be like when I can hold him and let him go when I feel like it. Or when I can kiss him longer then 30 seconds. Heck yea, I dream about it all the time. However, letting it get the best of me is not good for our marriage. I made a choice. He is what I chose. Our marriage is what I chose. Our family is what I chose. So before I made that choice, I thought about what I would have to go without and what was important to me. L has been able to provide all of the things that I felt were important to me and he also showed me some other things that I hadn't thought to be important. So yes, I do miss certain things, but I dont't think about them. I go about our life with what has been placed before us and we make it work. Do I want to knock him out sometimes? Heck yea I do. Don't you want to knock your spouse out sometimes? See, we have more in common then you think. I'm sure I get on his nerves. Especially when I start acting like a big baby. Just as I am sure you get on his nerves too. See, so next time you come across someone whose spouse is incarcerated. Don't be so quick to judge their relationship. Instead, ask some questions. You will be surprised at how much things are similar. And might get a chuckle out it. I know I do. Thank you for reading. P.S. I plan to post a new blog every Monday and Thursday afternoon/evening. Be sure to read and share with your friends