MWI and Red Flags

As I was telling you before, being in a relationship with someone who you met while they are incarcerated is really difficult. Many support sites that I have found for prison wives call this kind of relationship "MWI Met While Incarcerated". I thought at first that my relationship wasn't normal or that not many people met like this. I found out that there are thousands of relationships that start out this way. There are Prison Pen Pal sites that you can go to and find a inmate that interests you and it will list their location and even show a picture. You can write them and start a relationship that way. They you can also meet the old fashion way of being introduced by a family member or a friend just like I was. There are some who may have worked in the Prison and began a relationship with them. There are many many ways that a MWI relationship can start. I actually look at it just the same as internet dating. How many sites are there where you can make a profile and practically choose the kind of person that you are interested in? There are tons of them now. And there are tons of everyday people who use them. You take a chance and hope that you make a connection with them. You take a chance a hope that your first impression is a good one. You take a chance that they are the person that they claim to be.

Well, meeting someone while they are in prison is like the same thing. The only difference is that they are in Prison. For whatever their crime is, you still hope the same things as you would if you would have met this person on one of those internet dating sites.

Lots of people in the beginning of my relationship would ask me how do I know if he is playing me or using me. You can hope that its not the case but you can never really know. You can believe in your heart that its a real love, but in all honesty you can never know. People sometimes tend to believe that people cannot change. They think that because of their location being in a Prison, that they are incapable of loving or caring for another person. But that is far from the case. I have met many of couples who have met while their mate was incarcerated and when their loved one has come home he is the same loving and caring person that he was while he was in. On the other hand I have met plenty of couples who did not make it once their loved one came home. Does this sound familiar to you yet?

Thinking about the people you know that have no prison records, how many of those people you know are newly single? How many people do you know that are going through the process of a divorce? How many people do you know have cheated or were cheated on by their spouse? I can name some right now. There are some relationships that make it and their are some that don't make it. You take a chance with that person and believe in your heart that this is the one for you. Sometimes you are right and sometimes you are wrong. A question that I am always asked is about the time that would have been wasted with me waiting only for him to come home and do wrong. I was with my ex for four years before I left. I don't consider that time wasted. I think of it as a learning experience. I think that those four years taught me that a relationship shouldn't always be about what you "want" but it should be about what you "need". Once I figured that out I knew that my time with my ex wasn't all for nothing. The same thing goes for the man and woman that were married for 30+ years and decided to get a divorce. That time wasn't wasted. They may have found their true selves during that time and are able to be honest with themselves regarding their marriage. The same goes for the woman in a abusive relationship behind closed doors for 10 years. She now knows what she will and will not tolerate from someone. I know that I am learning a lot about myself during this Journey with L. I do believe that this will work however if it didn't, I will not regret one part about it because I would be taking a lot from it.

There are some things that us "MWI's" need to be aware of when being in this type of relationship. Just like there are some thing you would need to be aware of certain behavior if you were in a relationship out in the free world. Here are some general RED FLAGS to watch out for to make sure that your relationship is a honest relationship. However, this is just my opinion.

1. Commissary: If he/she is adoment about you sending a large sums of money all the time. Maybe even before you meet in person.

2. Other women: There is no real way to know if he is writing other women but if it is known that he is then run the other way. Or it may be that one time you get a letter and its addressed to you but the letter is for another person with he/she saying the same things he/she says to you...run faster

3. Calls: He/she using all of the calls and only maybe one or two on you but he/she can't account for the other calls.

I can actually give a few more but to me, we as women have that intuition thing and we can sense when something isn't right. It is just up to us to use that knowledge to help us in making decisions.

I just want to say to all the people who have doubts about the type of relationship that I am in. I know that you may think my relationship is not the normal way that people meet and you think that I may be crazy for falling in love with someone in Priosn. I just want to let you know that the only thing different about my relationshop compared to yours is L's location. And that is just Geography.....

Thank you for reading