Was I ready for Marriage???

Was I ready for marriage? This is the question that I asked myself once L asked to marry me. Sometimes we don't ask ourselves these type of important questions when we are making major life decisions. Everyone knows I have a 9 year old daughter. Before I was pregnant with her, I neglected to ask myself the question about if I was ready to be a parent. I don't live my life in regret of not asking myself that question. I now know I wasn't ready to be a parent. And sure as heck wasn't ready to be a single parent. After my daughter was born I was in a four year bad relationship. In 2008 I got enough courage to finally take my daughter and leave and never look back. From that moment on, I realized I couldn't just make decisions and not really think about them. I couldn't just date anyone and not take into account the questions that rattled in my head. I had to answer them. I had to do this for not only myself but my daughter as well. When L proposed he was in a prison that is located in Michigan. I had traveled there to stay the weekend so that I could see him. We sat and talked for a while but before he popped the question, he asked some really important questions. Some of the questions he asked, I had previously asked myself and some of them I didn't think to ask myself. All in all, the questions that were asked and answered are similar to what I think a lot of people should ask before they say "Yes". Your probably sitting there reading this and wanting to know the questions that he asked me. I won't tell you all of them. Maybe not any of them. Not that I don't want to tell them to you. But isn't everyones situation different? What works for me may not work for you. Things that I care about, may not bother you. While there may be some similarities, it would still be considered to be different. Ask yourself some of these questions. 1. Are you ready to give up saying "Me" or "I" and start saying "We" or "Us"??? 2. (Ladies) Are you ready to take your pants off and actually let this man in front of you be the Man of the household??? 3. (Men) Are you prepared to be the Man of the household??? Three easy questions right?? Wrong. Anyway can answer these questions but it takes a real Man/Woman to be able to answer and apply. Our questions were different because of course L is in prison so I had to really think about what I was agreeing to do and if I could truley handle it. I also had to think about my past. What did I learn from it? Was I able to seriously leave the past in the past? Was I able to figure out what I could have done wrong in my past relationships and correct them so to not do the same thing in this new relationship? I needed to know if I could not think about just myself. But could I actually be the wife the L needed me to be? You see, most people get the questions mixed up when marriage comes up. Instead of asking questions about your life together, you ask questions about the actual "wedding day". What my dress is gonna look like or where we going to have the reception...When I was little I pictured what my whole wedding day would be like. But when L asked me to marry him, not one time did any of that matter to me. I was excited that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Thats when I knew that me saying yes was the right thing to do and that I wouldn't regret it. I didn't think once about where our wedding would be held or what my dress would look like. All I could think about was I couldn't wait to be a great wife to this man. People ask me all the time how I felt marrying my husband while he is on the inside. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life. Right there next to the day I had my daughter. I don't regret one thing about it. I included my thoughts and questions about my daughter being involved in this. Which I didn't do before with my old relationship. I asked my daughter how she felt about me marrying L. I asked her what she thought of him. I asked her if she wanted to be there. I included her in making the plans and she even sang a little song. I had fun and my cheeks hurted from smiling so much that day. All I could think about is the wonderful and funny life we are going to have together. It hasn't been long. But we are going strong. And yes, I wake up every morning thanking God for the life I was given and the way that it was given to me. Answering those questions that were rattling my head made me be able to know that I was ready for marriage. I wasn't guessing and I didn't have any reserves about it. This led me to go into my marriage without all the "what if's"... This is just my opinion. I am no expert on marriage. Me and L learn every single day what it takes to have a striving and working marriage. And we plan to continue to learn from one another. Thank you for reading and sharing.

Starting New, Update

(From left to right): Visits every two weeks: Trip to New York to see Bestie: Cianni first Lakers basketball game:Trip to Baltimore to see my other Bestie: Cianni gets straight A's: Surprise trip to Disney World: Turning 30: Pennsylvania gets rid of Pre-Release: Surprise Justin Bieber concert: Best 9th Birthday Party ever: Work is Great!!! Legalizing our Marriage: So much has gone on in my little world. There obviously isn't enough time in the day for me to explain that me and my family have been through and experieced. The pictures above are a small update to show what we have been doing and things that have come and gone in the past almost two years since my last blog entry. Time is a beautiful thing, but it goes by very fast. One of my long term goals is to try and make time move a little slower so that I can do everything that I want to do. There, you have been updated on some of the things that have been going on. My little world seems to be getting bigger by the minute and sometimes I don't feel like I can handle it. So many things for me to do but not enough time in the day. But this isn't new. This is something that every mother and wife go through. I'm just using the "wish factor" right now. L and I are coming up on our two year marriage anniversary. It almost seems like just last month we were married. Then I think about how far we have come and I realize in reality it seems we have been married forever. Some may say that my marriage "doesn't count" because L isn't home with me. Well, contrary to what they say and think, my marriage is hard work. Just as any other marriage. Women and men who have a spouse whom is incarcerated aren't thrown the smooth end of the stick because of where the spouse is. It hardly isn't "peaches and cream" because we may not have to deal with the every day issues that married couples usually have to deal with like, him putting the toilet seat down or her making sure dinner is prepared and the house is clean before he gets home from work. We have our own set of craziness we have to deal with. Like, getting a certain number of letters in the mail every week or reserving time to have phone calls and making the phone time special and not seem routine or like an every day drill. I actually look forward to telling L not to foget to put the toilet seat down. People also assume that if my spouse is in prison then I am being used, or I am settling for less then what I deserve. Which neither applies to me. But, the part that I don't get is that people act like either of those two things only occur with prison. Like it can't happen on the outside. As if they never had a friend tell them a story of them being used by their "supposed to be" significant other. I went through the same "what if's" that any other person would go through in the beginning of a new relationship. We got past all of that and here we are approaching two years of marriage and three years of being together. We have gone through our set of problems but the one thing we always strive for is to work through any and eveyr problem together. Since May 22,2010, I haven't gone through one single problem by myself. I've always kept that space in my heart to allow my husband to be there for me the best way he knew how at the moment. We already know he can't be here every day physically. So we work around it. And we get through it. Together. Shutting him out when I have a problem is like saying "No" to our marriage and we both refuse to do that to what we have built together. There is no such thing as going a day with not speaking to each other because we are mad. If he has a problem, I hear about it via phone or when I get to a visit. If I am mad, I send him a email(jpay) early in the morning so that I know he will get it that day and we can talk about it when he calls. Letting our feelings and emotions settle is like knowing the Devil is in your home and you letting him get comfortable on the couch. We discuss family matters just like any other family. Rather like any other family should. We go over finances, school, work, activities and still make time to have those one on one cuddle, date day moments. I realized a long time ago that he wouldn't be here by my side at night. I dream about what it will be like when I can hold him and let him go when I feel like it. Or when I can kiss him longer then 30 seconds. Heck yea, I dream about it all the time. However, letting it get the best of me is not good for our marriage. I made a choice. He is what I chose. Our marriage is what I chose. Our family is what I chose. So before I made that choice, I thought about what I would have to go without and what was important to me. L has been able to provide all of the things that I felt were important to me and he also showed me some other things that I hadn't thought to be important. So yes, I do miss certain things, but I dont't think about them. I go about our life with what has been placed before us and we make it work. Do I want to knock him out sometimes? Heck yea I do. Don't you want to knock your spouse out sometimes? See, we have more in common then you think. I'm sure I get on his nerves. Especially when I start acting like a big baby. Just as I am sure you get on his nerves too. See, so next time you come across someone whose spouse is incarcerated. Don't be so quick to judge their relationship. Instead, ask some questions. You will be surprised at how much things are similar. And might get a chuckle out it. I know I do. Thank you for reading. P.S. I plan to post a new blog every Monday and Thursday afternoon/evening. Be sure to read and share with your friends