Introduction to my Daughter...

When is it ever a good time to introduce a special person in your life to your children? Everyone probably has different answers for that question. Some could say six months after you first met them, some could say six weeks, some could even say six days after. No matter what,there will still be that one person telling you that you are crazy and that you should have waited longer. I do not expect everyone to agree with my decision to introduce my daughter to L while he is still in prison, or when and how we did it. This is simply the way me and L went about it and it has worked for us. But just like anything else, what works for us may not work for you.

I had told L about my daughter in my first letter. He admired the strong love and bond that I have with my daughter. He would always ask me in my letters how she was doing in school and in her activities. Now on the other hand I had not told my daughter anything about L. I didn't feel she needed to know anything about him right up front. Especially since I hadn't expected this to really go anywhere. So for months she had not known what was going on. Once me and L decided to take our relationship to the next level, and she started to see that I was getting more and more letters from L, she asked me who he was and I told her that he was a special friend. I didn't tell her where he was or anything like that. I think it was about two months after we got together that I had explained to her that L was in Prison and that he was on punishment for doing bad things and that he is learning his lesson. I didn't want to go into detail about every thing but she understood what I had told her.

The first time L and my daughter talked on the phone was July 4, 2010. We had a block party and L had previously told me that he would call me that day. While we talked he had asked me if it was okay if he talked to her. I agreed and called her over to the phone. They talked for about two to three minutes and the conversation was mostly with L asking the questions and my daughter giving one word answers. After their first conversation, L sent my daughter her first Prison made card. She was ecstatic about it. She showed it off to all of her friends and anyone willing to look at it. She wrote him a letter back thanking him and from that moment on they began to build a relationship that today I am very proud of. From then on the phone conversations began to get longer and longer and my daughter was now comfortable enough to talk to him and ask him questions and even laugh with him. With more and more time passing L and my daughter had a good relationship with one another. Some things had changed in me and L's relationship (future blog) and we were now doing Virtual Visits. A Virtual Visit is a visit that is held at a place where they have a room with a camera and a tv. The person can see and hear you and you can see and hear them. Kind of like Web chat. I took my mom and my daughter to meet L through a Virtual Visit on December 9, 2010. It was the best visit ever even though I wasn't able to touch and hug L. They got along with L just as if L was right there beside us. They laughed and laughed and laughed the entire visit. I wish you all could have seen the smile on my face. Nothing could take it away.

L and my daughter had even made arrangements on when he would call to speak to her. At first it was just Wednesdays. L would call around 8pm and we would talk for a little bit and then I would put my daughter on the phone. She would sit next to me and tell him about her day and she would ask him about his. They would laugh of course and after about ten minutes she would give me back the phone and he always says "Yo, she is comical"...She would have him cracking up. I love that. Well, after a while, the one day a week wasn't getting it and they decided that they would add on Saturdays too. So now they talk on Wednesdays and Saturdays every week. My daughter has received many cards and gifts from L and she loves writing back to him. She gets to see him once a month through the Virtual Visit and she looks forward to them all. He helps her with homework during the visits and gets to act as silly as she wants to because L does nothing but laugh the entire time. L doesn't have any children. He says my daughter is his daughter. Although my daughter knows her biological father, she says she has the best of both worlds because she has two.

One day my daughter felt as though since more things had changed in me and L's relationship (future future blog) that she should have a different name to call him besides Mr.L...She had asked me to help her look for a name and we went online and googled some things and she came up with "Bud"...So to my daughter, L is Bud. He absolutely loves it. When she gets on the phone to speak to him she says "Whats up Bud" and you can hear him laughing through the phone. It is so hilarious.

I love the bond that my daughter and L now have with each other. I always think back to that first phone call on July 4th and then I look to where they are now. Back then it was all one word answers and now she takes up a whole fifteen minute phone call. To actually see a relationship grow right in front of you is amazing. I love it. I love that they get along so well. She is actually looking forward to meeting him in person. We talk about it all the time.

Some may have problems with this blog and say that I was crazy to introduce my daughter to L but I think it has been working out for us. L has some years left and my daughter would be about 11 or 12 by the time he comes home and I couldn't imagine me telling my 12 year old that a man is coming to stay with us and she has no idea about him or has never met him before. I talked it over with myself and I talked with L about it as well to get his input on it. This is what I came up with and I am happy with my decision. Wouldn't change any of it.