Getting ready for the big day...

After visiting L in Michigan for the first time, we began to start planning for my next trip out to see him. We agreed that I would come February 18th thru the 21st. This time we would be able to have three visits instead of two. I would fly in that Friday evening and ride the bus back home that Monday afternoon. I was excited to start planning for the next time we would see each other again. By this time I was now a Muslim. I was starting to read more and more about my religion and I came across something that said that it was not permissable for me to be visiting L alone. I didn't want to start off with sins so me and L started talking more about being engaged. Before we had agreed that we would have a small ceremony once L was home and share that day with close family and friends. Now things were different.

After talking about the topic numberous times, me and L were happy to know that we would be marrying before my visit to see him in February. Now we just had to explain our plans to everyone else.

I spoke to my mother and my daughter about it first. They were my main concern. I wanted both of them to be happy for me but I also wanted them to express any concerns that they may have had. I didn't want them to think that they had to hold their feelings about the situation back from me. I wanted them to feel free to say exactly how they felt. It turned out that tey were both ecstatic about us getting married. My daughter loves L. And she loves how he makes me smile and is always saying that she is happy that I am happy. She has seen me go through a lot and for her to see me smiling makes me smile even more. My mom cried when I first told her. She too knows how much I had previously been through and is happy that I have someone in my life worth marrying. So, with that being said, I was happy to know that they both were on board with me marrying L. After telling my mom and daughter, we then told L's family and our friends. Most people were happy but almost all of them were shocked that we were getting married so soon. Me and L had thought about this as well but we promised each other that we would not stop working towards a better relationship and not stop learning different ways to make this work for us.

So the plan was for us to get married via phone. There was a Imam at the facility where L was located so that was a big thing that we didn't have to worry about. Then we also had to make sure we both had witnessess that would be on each end of the phone since we would not be in the same place together. Not to mention, I wanted my closet friends to be there with me. Even though me and L would not be there with each other physically, I still wanted this day to be special for the both of us.

So I let my closest friends and relatives know when we planned to have our special day. It was set to happen January 28,2011 at 8pm. I would had my sister, my 2 closest cousins, and my 2 closest friends there with me. I would also have my best friend joining us through Ooovoo on the computer so that she is able to see me and hear everything happening. And of course my Wali(guardian) would be there. That day was fastly approaching us and my mind was running a mile a minute trying to make sure that we had everything available and that everything was going to run smooth with us that day. I couldn't wait to be declared husband and wife and my name change to Soraya Day-Johnson. I couldn't wait to share and spend the rest of my life with L.

Most say that we are both crazy to get married while L was still in Prison. I say that my preference of my special day changed. When I was younger, I wanted nothing more then to have a big huge wedding with a big huge dress. I wanted the ultimate fantasy recpetion with every one who was anyone to be there. I wanted the best DJ, the best food and the best decorations. I just wanted the best...Now that I am older, I look back and realized that I never imagined the type of man I wanted to marry. I mean I had dreams of marrying Usher or Kobe Bryant but not someone in the real times lol. I never thought of the man.

Now, all of that didn't matter to me anymore. I didn't want the big huge dress or the big huge wedding and reception. I didn't need any of that. I didn't need to have all of that to confirm the love that I had for L. We as a couple didn't need to spend all of this money to show the world that we were in love with one another and that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. All I wanted to be there was L and my daughter. Thats it. That was all that I needed. I didn't need a big wedding checklist. My checklist had less than five items on it and I could remember it by heart.

Pros and Cons

Lots of people thought that me and L's relationship was doomed once he was transfered out of state to Michigan. We as a couple really didn't know what to expect either. We were still very new to all of this and still trying to find our way through all the mess. It wasn't easy and it did take time to adjust to all the new rules and regulations and we also had to figure out how to make our relationship work through this extra long distanced relationship.

So once I was back from Michigan, it hit me that I had to wait three long months before I would see L again. I was glad that I was able to make the long trip to see him for the weekend and we were able to talk about our plans for the future. Our relationship was already not a easy one so with this transfer it made it a lot harder. But we both were determined to survive it.

We started to learn that there were some Pros and Cons to him being in Michigan. The first one was that we were able to talk a whole lot more then when he was in Pa. When he was in Pa, we were only able to talk maybe 2 or 3 times a week. But with him being in Michigan and with their calling guidelines and prices, we were able to talk to each other 2 to 3 times a day if not more. So even though he was further away from me, we felt closer to one another. He was also able to call me up until 11:30pm. Which was different because in Pa he was only able to call up until 8:15pm. The extra phone time allowed us to share more about the way that we felt about everything. We would have some really good conversations when he was in Michigan. We would set aside certain days for us to tell something that the other didn't know yet. We would use four phone calls to talk about it. That was our way of keeping things interesting. We did that at least once a week.

We also realized that the mail was different. Since there wasn't as many inmates in this facility as there was in any of the Pa facilities, they only had one person in the mail room. So if I sent a letter to L on monday morning, he wasn't due to get it until Friday or Saturday. Even with the Jpay letters which arrive at the facility the next day, they would still take 2 to 3 days to reach him. That was a pain to get used to. Not to mention, that L was only allowed to send out 10 letters a month. Yes, they counted. I hated that part but I was happy that it was me, his fiance that was getting those 10 letters.

L started to like it in Michigan. He liked the respect that the COs had for them there. They didn't give the inmates any problems until the inmates gave them problems. This allowed for the inmates to relax more and do what they were sent there to do....their time. L was able to concentrate more on his release and work towards any of the goals that he had without worrying about how he was mistreated or the thought of getting sent to the Box for speaking his mind.

I personally liked L being in Michigan. I would have rathered him stay there then to come back to Pa. Yes, I missed him dearly and wanted to be able to visit every month like we were use to but knowing that L was safe and able to finish his time smoothly was a better feeling to me then for me to be able to see him all the time. L of course loved being there but wanted to come back to Pa to be closer to me. But after some time of me and L coming up with solutions to making everything better for us, he was convinced that this was a good decision. The downside to Michigan was me traveling so far to go see him. But L will tell you in a second that me traveling to Michigan that first time was how he knew I was serious about our relationship. And that made him fall even more in love with me then he already was. Which was fine with me.

So there we were making Michigan work for us and planning another trip for me to visit in February. Michigan worked for us. We MADE it work. We put all the good and the bad on a scale and it actually turned out that all of the good outwieghed the bad, which was another good thing about Michigna. Then the whole talk about our wedding came up and thats a whole other story to be told another day lol.

Thanks for reading....