Was I ready for Marriage???

Was I ready for marriage? This is the question that I asked myself once L asked to marry me. Sometimes we don't ask ourselves these type of important questions when we are making major life decisions. Everyone knows I have a 9 year old daughter. Before I was pregnant with her, I neglected to ask myself the question about if I was ready to be a parent. I don't live my life in regret of not asking myself that question. I now know I wasn't ready to be a parent. And sure as heck wasn't ready to be a single parent. After my daughter was born I was in a four year bad relationship. In 2008 I got enough courage to finally take my daughter and leave and never look back. From that moment on, I realized I couldn't just make decisions and not really think about them. I couldn't just date anyone and not take into account the questions that rattled in my head. I had to answer them. I had to do this for not only myself but my daughter as well. When L proposed he was in a prison that is located in Michigan. I had traveled there to stay the weekend so that I could see him. We sat and talked for a while but before he popped the question, he asked some really important questions. Some of the questions he asked, I had previously asked myself and some of them I didn't think to ask myself. All in all, the questions that were asked and answered are similar to what I think a lot of people should ask before they say "Yes". Your probably sitting there reading this and wanting to know the questions that he asked me. I won't tell you all of them. Maybe not any of them. Not that I don't want to tell them to you. But isn't everyones situation different? What works for me may not work for you. Things that I care about, may not bother you. While there may be some similarities, it would still be considered to be different. Ask yourself some of these questions. 1. Are you ready to give up saying "Me" or "I" and start saying "We" or "Us"??? 2. (Ladies) Are you ready to take your pants off and actually let this man in front of you be the Man of the household??? 3. (Men) Are you prepared to be the Man of the household??? Three easy questions right?? Wrong. Anyway can answer these questions but it takes a real Man/Woman to be able to answer and apply. Our questions were different because of course L is in prison so I had to really think about what I was agreeing to do and if I could truley handle it. I also had to think about my past. What did I learn from it? Was I able to seriously leave the past in the past? Was I able to figure out what I could have done wrong in my past relationships and correct them so to not do the same thing in this new relationship? I needed to know if I could not think about just myself. But could I actually be the wife the L needed me to be? You see, most people get the questions mixed up when marriage comes up. Instead of asking questions about your life together, you ask questions about the actual "wedding day". What my dress is gonna look like or where we going to have the reception...When I was little I pictured what my whole wedding day would be like. But when L asked me to marry him, not one time did any of that matter to me. I was excited that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Thats when I knew that me saying yes was the right thing to do and that I wouldn't regret it. I didn't think once about where our wedding would be held or what my dress would look like. All I could think about was I couldn't wait to be a great wife to this man. People ask me all the time how I felt marrying my husband while he is on the inside. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life. Right there next to the day I had my daughter. I don't regret one thing about it. I included my thoughts and questions about my daughter being involved in this. Which I didn't do before with my old relationship. I asked my daughter how she felt about me marrying L. I asked her what she thought of him. I asked her if she wanted to be there. I included her in making the plans and she even sang a little song. I had fun and my cheeks hurted from smiling so much that day. All I could think about is the wonderful and funny life we are going to have together. It hasn't been long. But we are going strong. And yes, I wake up every morning thanking God for the life I was given and the way that it was given to me. Answering those questions that were rattling my head made me be able to know that I was ready for marriage. I wasn't guessing and I didn't have any reserves about it. This led me to go into my marriage without all the "what if's"... This is just my opinion. I am no expert on marriage. Me and L learn every single day what it takes to have a striving and working marriage. And we plan to continue to learn from one another. Thank you for reading and sharing.

Starting New, Update

(From left to right): Visits every two weeks: Trip to New York to see Bestie: Cianni first Lakers basketball game:Trip to Baltimore to see my other Bestie: Cianni gets straight A's: Surprise trip to Disney World: Turning 30: Pennsylvania gets rid of Pre-Release: Surprise Justin Bieber concert: Best 9th Birthday Party ever: Work is Great!!! Legalizing our Marriage: So much has gone on in my little world. There obviously isn't enough time in the day for me to explain that me and my family have been through and experieced. The pictures above are a small update to show what we have been doing and things that have come and gone in the past almost two years since my last blog entry. Time is a beautiful thing, but it goes by very fast. One of my long term goals is to try and make time move a little slower so that I can do everything that I want to do. There, you have been updated on some of the things that have been going on. My little world seems to be getting bigger by the minute and sometimes I don't feel like I can handle it. So many things for me to do but not enough time in the day. But this isn't new. This is something that every mother and wife go through. I'm just using the "wish factor" right now. L and I are coming up on our two year marriage anniversary. It almost seems like just last month we were married. Then I think about how far we have come and I realize in reality it seems we have been married forever. Some may say that my marriage "doesn't count" because L isn't home with me. Well, contrary to what they say and think, my marriage is hard work. Just as any other marriage. Women and men who have a spouse whom is incarcerated aren't thrown the smooth end of the stick because of where the spouse is. It hardly isn't "peaches and cream" because we may not have to deal with the every day issues that married couples usually have to deal with like, him putting the toilet seat down or her making sure dinner is prepared and the house is clean before he gets home from work. We have our own set of craziness we have to deal with. Like, getting a certain number of letters in the mail every week or reserving time to have phone calls and making the phone time special and not seem routine or like an every day drill. I actually look forward to telling L not to foget to put the toilet seat down. People also assume that if my spouse is in prison then I am being used, or I am settling for less then what I deserve. Which neither applies to me. But, the part that I don't get is that people act like either of those two things only occur with prison. Like it can't happen on the outside. As if they never had a friend tell them a story of them being used by their "supposed to be" significant other. I went through the same "what if's" that any other person would go through in the beginning of a new relationship. We got past all of that and here we are approaching two years of marriage and three years of being together. We have gone through our set of problems but the one thing we always strive for is to work through any and eveyr problem together. Since May 22,2010, I haven't gone through one single problem by myself. I've always kept that space in my heart to allow my husband to be there for me the best way he knew how at the moment. We already know he can't be here every day physically. So we work around it. And we get through it. Together. Shutting him out when I have a problem is like saying "No" to our marriage and we both refuse to do that to what we have built together. There is no such thing as going a day with not speaking to each other because we are mad. If he has a problem, I hear about it via phone or when I get to a visit. If I am mad, I send him a email(jpay) early in the morning so that I know he will get it that day and we can talk about it when he calls. Letting our feelings and emotions settle is like knowing the Devil is in your home and you letting him get comfortable on the couch. We discuss family matters just like any other family. Rather like any other family should. We go over finances, school, work, activities and still make time to have those one on one cuddle, date day moments. I realized a long time ago that he wouldn't be here by my side at night. I dream about what it will be like when I can hold him and let him go when I feel like it. Or when I can kiss him longer then 30 seconds. Heck yea, I dream about it all the time. However, letting it get the best of me is not good for our marriage. I made a choice. He is what I chose. Our marriage is what I chose. Our family is what I chose. So before I made that choice, I thought about what I would have to go without and what was important to me. L has been able to provide all of the things that I felt were important to me and he also showed me some other things that I hadn't thought to be important. So yes, I do miss certain things, but I dont't think about them. I go about our life with what has been placed before us and we make it work. Do I want to knock him out sometimes? Heck yea I do. Don't you want to knock your spouse out sometimes? See, we have more in common then you think. I'm sure I get on his nerves. Especially when I start acting like a big baby. Just as I am sure you get on his nerves too. See, so next time you come across someone whose spouse is incarcerated. Don't be so quick to judge their relationship. Instead, ask some questions. You will be surprised at how much things are similar. And might get a chuckle out it. I know I do. Thank you for reading. P.S. I plan to post a new blog every Monday and Thursday afternoon/evening. Be sure to read and share with your friends

January 28, 2011 8pm

Today was the day. Today I would be married to L and be Mrs. L.J. I had everything set and was ready. Little did I know that soem friends had some other plans for us on our special day.

The day before our special day, we got 15 inches of snow. I was devastated because I thought that not that many people would come to our little gathering. I woke up that friday morning and went to the mall by myself to pick up a couple of last minute things for myself. I already had a nice long jean skirt that I wanted to wear but I needed a nice sweater to go with it. I was able to find one and some pretty pins for my hijab. My sister was already at my house helping me to get ready for my night. When I got home, she was smiling while telling me that there was something delivered to the house for me. I had no idea what it was. I put my bags away and I see that it is a delivery from Edible Arrangements. I was excited to see what it was and who it was from. It was a bag and inside of the bad was a cute little teddy bear and a red box with huge chocolate strawberries in it. There was a note on top of the box. So I sat on the couch with one strawberry in my hand and in the other hand was the note. As I enjoyed the strawberry, I realized the note and the strawberries and bear were from my best friend who lives in New York. She wasn't able to join me in Philly so she would be viewing the festivities later that night on OOVOO. I was so happy that she thought to send me something and helped to make this day so special for me.

I had a couple of other things to do through out the day and I talked to L on the phone numerous amounts of time. You can hear in his voice how excited he was. This date was also our letter anniversary. This was one year from the date that I wrote that first letter to L. We thought it was even more special that we chose this day to be married. It made me even more happy that I chose to write that first letter to him. I was to marry my best friend and I couldn't be any happier.

Around 5pm that evening there was a knock at the door. I answered it and seen a guy with flowers. I was stumped once again as to who the flowers could be from. I found another note on the flowers and seen that they were from a woman whom I had met on a "prisoners wives" support group that I am in (Prisontalk.com)She sent me some colorful roses as well as some bath beads and aroma therapy candles. I definately felt love from all of my friends who live outside of Pa who were there to make my day much more special for me.

As the time came for me to start getting ready, I was a nervous wreck. I took a long bubble bath with candels and rose petals in it. That was able to relax me and take me to another zone. I was ready. When I was done getting dressed and putting on the last finishing touches, I went downstairs to whom awaited me. My sister and my friends were all there sitting around the table with the phone and the computer. I hooked up the computer to show my bff listening in and watching closely. My mom took a cab home and made it just in time for L to call to get things started. When he called I put him on speaker phone and the ceremony began.

The Imam started off asking us both questions and making sure that we both knew what it was that we were doing and that no one was forcing this on us. Then he started to speak in Arabic and it just sounded so beautiful. Hearing him bless our union brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't stop smiling. I looked around me and everyone else was crying lol. My mom was the biggest baby of them all. After the ceremony was done, the Imam went on to speak to me and L on a more personal level. He said to us that this won't be easy. And not all will agree with our decision to marry. But that we have to be strong and have faith that we will overcome this hurdle (prison) and come out in the end on top. I felt so confident about my marriage.

After the ceremony was over, L stayed on the line a little while longer and spoke to my family and friends. It was a lovely night. We had planned to meet again for our honeymoon later that night.

This is the part that I was nervous about. I have read many stories where women who had married their husbands in prison were devastated that night because of them not being able to spend that night with their new husband. I didn't want our special day to be like that. I didn't want to be happy all day and then cry all night because he wasn't there with me. So me and L talked about how our night would end before our special day had came. We agreed that late that night he would call me and we would be together behind closed doors. I won't say anything else. I will just say that I went to bed that night with a smile on my face and that I woke up with one as well.

Well, that was our special day. It was a lovely one. The snow didn't stop it and neither did the distance. I would do it again the same way if I had the chance. I had everyone that I love there with me and our union was blessed ten times over. We believe that we are still in the honeymoom phase lol. I love L so much.

Our 1 year anniversary is coming up shortly and we are super excited to have been married for one year. I still can't stop smiling...

Getting ready for the big day...

After visiting L in Michigan for the first time, we began to start planning for my next trip out to see him. We agreed that I would come February 18th thru the 21st. This time we would be able to have three visits instead of two. I would fly in that Friday evening and ride the bus back home that Monday afternoon. I was excited to start planning for the next time we would see each other again. By this time I was now a Muslim. I was starting to read more and more about my religion and I came across something that said that it was not permissable for me to be visiting L alone. I didn't want to start off with sins so me and L started talking more about being engaged. Before we had agreed that we would have a small ceremony once L was home and share that day with close family and friends. Now things were different.

After talking about the topic numberous times, me and L were happy to know that we would be marrying before my visit to see him in February. Now we just had to explain our plans to everyone else.

I spoke to my mother and my daughter about it first. They were my main concern. I wanted both of them to be happy for me but I also wanted them to express any concerns that they may have had. I didn't want them to think that they had to hold their feelings about the situation back from me. I wanted them to feel free to say exactly how they felt. It turned out that tey were both ecstatic about us getting married. My daughter loves L. And she loves how he makes me smile and is always saying that she is happy that I am happy. She has seen me go through a lot and for her to see me smiling makes me smile even more. My mom cried when I first told her. She too knows how much I had previously been through and is happy that I have someone in my life worth marrying. So, with that being said, I was happy to know that they both were on board with me marrying L. After telling my mom and daughter, we then told L's family and our friends. Most people were happy but almost all of them were shocked that we were getting married so soon. Me and L had thought about this as well but we promised each other that we would not stop working towards a better relationship and not stop learning different ways to make this work for us.

So the plan was for us to get married via phone. There was a Imam at the facility where L was located so that was a big thing that we didn't have to worry about. Then we also had to make sure we both had witnessess that would be on each end of the phone since we would not be in the same place together. Not to mention, I wanted my closet friends to be there with me. Even though me and L would not be there with each other physically, I still wanted this day to be special for the both of us.

So I let my closest friends and relatives know when we planned to have our special day. It was set to happen January 28,2011 at 8pm. I would had my sister, my 2 closest cousins, and my 2 closest friends there with me. I would also have my best friend joining us through Ooovoo on the computer so that she is able to see me and hear everything happening. And of course my Wali(guardian) would be there. That day was fastly approaching us and my mind was running a mile a minute trying to make sure that we had everything available and that everything was going to run smooth with us that day. I couldn't wait to be declared husband and wife and my name change to Soraya Day-Johnson. I couldn't wait to share and spend the rest of my life with L.

Most say that we are both crazy to get married while L was still in Prison. I say that my preference of my special day changed. When I was younger, I wanted nothing more then to have a big huge wedding with a big huge dress. I wanted the ultimate fantasy recpetion with every one who was anyone to be there. I wanted the best DJ, the best food and the best decorations. I just wanted the best...Now that I am older, I look back and realized that I never imagined the type of man I wanted to marry. I mean I had dreams of marrying Usher or Kobe Bryant but not someone in the real times lol. I never thought of the man.

Now, all of that didn't matter to me anymore. I didn't want the big huge dress or the big huge wedding and reception. I didn't need any of that. I didn't need to have all of that to confirm the love that I had for L. We as a couple didn't need to spend all of this money to show the world that we were in love with one another and that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. All I wanted to be there was L and my daughter. Thats it. That was all that I needed. I didn't need a big wedding checklist. My checklist had less than five items on it and I could remember it by heart.

Pros and Cons

Lots of people thought that me and L's relationship was doomed once he was transfered out of state to Michigan. We as a couple really didn't know what to expect either. We were still very new to all of this and still trying to find our way through all the mess. It wasn't easy and it did take time to adjust to all the new rules and regulations and we also had to figure out how to make our relationship work through this extra long distanced relationship.

So once I was back from Michigan, it hit me that I had to wait three long months before I would see L again. I was glad that I was able to make the long trip to see him for the weekend and we were able to talk about our plans for the future. Our relationship was already not a easy one so with this transfer it made it a lot harder. But we both were determined to survive it.

We started to learn that there were some Pros and Cons to him being in Michigan. The first one was that we were able to talk a whole lot more then when he was in Pa. When he was in Pa, we were only able to talk maybe 2 or 3 times a week. But with him being in Michigan and with their calling guidelines and prices, we were able to talk to each other 2 to 3 times a day if not more. So even though he was further away from me, we felt closer to one another. He was also able to call me up until 11:30pm. Which was different because in Pa he was only able to call up until 8:15pm. The extra phone time allowed us to share more about the way that we felt about everything. We would have some really good conversations when he was in Michigan. We would set aside certain days for us to tell something that the other didn't know yet. We would use four phone calls to talk about it. That was our way of keeping things interesting. We did that at least once a week.

We also realized that the mail was different. Since there wasn't as many inmates in this facility as there was in any of the Pa facilities, they only had one person in the mail room. So if I sent a letter to L on monday morning, he wasn't due to get it until Friday or Saturday. Even with the Jpay letters which arrive at the facility the next day, they would still take 2 to 3 days to reach him. That was a pain to get used to. Not to mention, that L was only allowed to send out 10 letters a month. Yes, they counted. I hated that part but I was happy that it was me, his fiance that was getting those 10 letters.

L started to like it in Michigan. He liked the respect that the COs had for them there. They didn't give the inmates any problems until the inmates gave them problems. This allowed for the inmates to relax more and do what they were sent there to do....their time. L was able to concentrate more on his release and work towards any of the goals that he had without worrying about how he was mistreated or the thought of getting sent to the Box for speaking his mind.

I personally liked L being in Michigan. I would have rathered him stay there then to come back to Pa. Yes, I missed him dearly and wanted to be able to visit every month like we were use to but knowing that L was safe and able to finish his time smoothly was a better feeling to me then for me to be able to see him all the time. L of course loved being there but wanted to come back to Pa to be closer to me. But after some time of me and L coming up with solutions to making everything better for us, he was convinced that this was a good decision. The downside to Michigan was me traveling so far to go see him. But L will tell you in a second that me traveling to Michigan that first time was how he knew I was serious about our relationship. And that made him fall even more in love with me then he already was. Which was fine with me.

So there we were making Michigan work for us and planning another trip for me to visit in February. Michigan worked for us. We MADE it work. We put all the good and the bad on a scale and it actually turned out that all of the good outwieghed the bad, which was another good thing about Michigna. Then the whole talk about our wedding came up and thats a whole other story to be told another day lol.

Thanks for reading....

On the Road...

The time had come for me to get on the road for my trip to see L in Michigan. I was ready and excited to see my love once again. I was overpacked and ready to go. I left on a Thursday night after work. Luckily our Greyhound bus station isn't that far from my job, so that I didn't have to go far with all of my luggage. I didn't even have that long of a wait before it was time for people to load the bus. I had plenty of things with me to keep me occupied and not to mention that I planned on getting much much sleep while I was on this trip.

I was able to manage to sit by myself for the whole trip. The first stop we made was in Pittsburgh. I'm pretty familiar with Pittsburgh since I use to travel there when I went to school about an hour away. So since we would be there for about two hours, I went out and walked around a little bit. By the time I came back it was time to board the bus again and make our way to Cleveland Ohio. We arrived in Cleveland about 6am so needless to say, I wasn't going to do much site seeing while I was there. I mostly just stayed in front of the building and watched as other travelers made their way to and from the station. When we left there we made our way to Detroit Michigan. We arrived there around 12noon. It actually felt good to be in the same state as L again. I felt a connection with him at that moment. When we left there, it was said that we would arrive where L was at about 6pm. L had called me around that time and I could hear the smile on his face. I could tell he liked me being in the same state as him as well. We were both anxious about seeing each other. I arrived at the bus station where L was and I called a cab who arrived in less then five minutes. I was able to get the cab drivers number and make arrangements for him to pick me up at 8am so that I could make the first visit to see L at the new facility.

Later that night L called again and we were able to talk more and he made sure that I made it to the hotel ok and that I was comfortable. I unpacked and got my clothes ready for the next day. As I got ready, I felt that this was something big. This was something that I had never done before in my life. I had traveled all this way to see L and didn't think twice about it when it came time to think about if I would make this trip or not. I knew that making this trip was the right decision.

That morning I got up extra early and made sure that I had everything ready. The cab was on time and I was ready. I arrived at the Prison in no time and didn't have to wait long for them to call my name for me to be searched and go back to the visiting area. When I walked through those doors and see L, it felt like the first time I seen him back in May. We hugged and kissed and I couldn't stop smiling. I missed him so much. We sat down and the first thing we talked about was the trip there. He was happy to hear that it wasn't as bad as it seemed it was going to be. We talked and talked and talked. The visiting area was smaller then the facility in Pa but it had huge windows to look out onto the grounds which were beautiful. It actually looked like a college campus outside. It felt good to be in L's presence once again. It felt good for him to hold my hands and to be able to look into his eyes again. I had also made my decision to take my Shahadah that day and become Muslim. So, I did it with L. He was my witness to me taking my shahadah. It was a really special moment for us. It felt good being there with him.

The next day was our last visit so I got up even earlier this time since I would have to have a hijab on this day. It was my first time wearing it outside and I needed to give myself plenty of time to make sure it was on right. Once I was ready the cab was there and I was on my way to our date once again. I got there and when I walked through the doors L was already there and his smile was huge. He was happy to see me in my new look. After we hugged and kissed we sat down and he just kept telling me how beautiful I looked. We talked some more and then L gave me the surprise of my life. He began by telling me how much he loved me and how much he enjoyed being around me. How he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with me. At that moment I began to cry. Just thinking about all that I had been through in the past and now I finally know what it really feels like to be in love. It felt so good. L went on to ask me to marry him. It was one of those perfect moments that most people can only dream of. I said yes and we embraced and I didn't want the moment to ever end. We took pictures and I had this glow that I never had before. It was an amazing feeling. Knowing that I would soon be his Mrs. was great and I was truley looking forward to it.

I left the facility that day happy as can be. I was getting ready to start a new chapter in my life with L. I knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life and now we have been given the chance for it. I was grabbing hold of it and never letting it go. L told me that me making that trip to come to see him is when he knew that our love was real. That made me extremly happy to hear because I felt the same way.

My trip back home was short it seemed. I couldn't wait to share with my family the good news. That I would soon be a married woman. I still hadn't told my whole family about my choice to become Muslim so there was bound to be some mixed feelings but at that moment all I could care about was that I was engaged to be married to my best friend.

A Change I was not ready for...

When in a Prison relationship, there are things that you know may happen and then there are things you have no idea will happen and there isn't anything you can do about it. This is where you really learn to be patient with the DOC and start to learn that they don't make things easy for you just because your loved one is in their Prison.

It was a planned surprise weekend for L. I had plans to bring my daughter to the Priosn to visit him for the first time and we were going to stay for the weekend. It was his birthday and I couldn't think of a better surprise for him. I was going to ride up with another friend of mine who had a brother in the same Prison. We would leave around 2am that Saturday morning and get there around 8am. My friend was going to rent a car for the weekend and we would share the expenses of everything. I had me and my daughters bad packed that Wednesday before the trip and we were excited. That Friday while I was at work, I got a phone call on my cell. It was from a number that I didn't recognize. So, since I was working I let it go to voicemail. I usually don't ever check my voicemail but when I went to my lunch break, curiousity got the best of me and I checked to see if the person who called left a message. I was not expecting to hear what I had heard.

It was L, and he was telling me not to come to visit for the weekend. He didn't go into detail as to why or anything but just told me that eventually he would explain everything to me. I instantly began to cry. I was upset with myself because I didn't answer the phone. It scared me that he called from a regular phone and not through the phones where the calls are either prepaid or collect. A million and three things were going through my mind and I couldn't control myself. I was having an anxiety attack and didn't even know it. I called my friend to see if her brother had called her thinking maybe the prison is on lockdown. But she called the Prison and they advised her that there was no lockdown and that her brother could receive visits. I was too emotional to make the call myself, so I called L's sister to find out what she could. She called and all they would tell her was that we should wait until L called before visiting. That did not calm me down. I started to think that maybe L could have gotten into some trouble. Another friend of mine made sense when she told me that she would doubt they would have let L make a call if he was going to the hole. That calmed me down a lot but I was still worried. I called L's parents when I was on my way home from work and agreed to go visit them for the weekend. I was glad they asked me to, because I don't think it would have been a good idea for me to stay home in the condition I was in.

So me and my daughter got on the Amtrak train and headed to his parents house. I let them listen to the message on my phone. They cheered me up and got my mind off of the worrying for the weekend. Then on Sunday morning, something told me to check the Pennsylvania Inmate Locator online. I put in all of L's information and it came up that L was in a different Prison. My heart sank. What the heck was going on? The prison he was currently at was only a hour away from the Prison that he was previously at, so why the transfer? It was just weird to me. I knew that I couldn't call and find out anything because they wouldn't tell me anything over the phone. I went home that night after thanking L's family for letting me come for the weekend and I went to work that Monday morning. I began to be obsessed with the inmate locator and checking L's location status almost every hour. Nothing had changed but I figured something had to change because this transfer to this facility just did not make any real sense.

I still wrote to L every day, only I held on to the letters and didn't mail them until I was sure of where L was. Thank goodness that I did, because Tuesday morning when I checked the inmate locator this time it said "N/A". I was even more confused then I was on Sunday with the first location change. Not knowing anything was killing me. I kept my phone glued to me because I knew that L would call me with information as soon as he could. It was hard to keep my composure while at work until I was inside my home. I cried every night. I cried while I wrote to him begging him in my letters to call me because I was worried sick about him. The only letters I was receiving were letters that he wrote before he was transfered. That Tuesday night I came home and had to make myself eat something. While I sat with my daughter eating our dinner, my phone rang. Again it was a number that I did not recognize but this time I was answering it. (Sigh) It was a woman whose brother was at a prison and he had asked her to call me for L. She connected the call so that L and I could talk for a couple of minutes. My heart sank when I heard that it was him. Joy filled my heart that he was okay and not in any trouble. But what happened next, I was not expecting at all.

L told me that he was in Michigan. Yes, Michigan. I felt myself getting upset all over again. Pennsylvania prisons were starting to get over crowded and the Doc started to transfer level one and two prisoners to Michigan. Me and L had this conversation before about him going to Michigan but we had thought they weren't doing any more transfers there. While some prisoners were transfered there against their will, L actually asked to be transfered there because he had heard that the time goes by a little smoother there. We never spoke of it anymore after that. But now here he was, in Michigan. He gave me his DOC number so that I could start sending his letters there. I felt better knowing that he was okay and not in any harm, but my heart hurt because I knew that I wouldn't see L as often anymore. I was use to seeing him at least once a month. That would be impossible now. I knew I had to think of something fast.

For the next two to three weeks, it took lots of adjustment for me to get back to normal. This prison in Michigan was rather slow with doing everything. I wrote to L every day just as I did when he was in Pennsylvania. Only now his letters took almost a full week for them to get to him. When L wrote to me, it took almost the same amount of time. Even if I used Jpay it was slow. When L was in Pa, if I wrote a jpay letter he woudl get it the next day. In Michigan, it took them two to three days to give it to him. During those two to three weeks, I also hadn't talked to him over the phone. I was back to having anxiety attacks. Crying myself to sleep. I had gotten so use to getting his letters and hearing his voice that I wasn't allowing myself to remain calm knowing that he was okay.

By the end of the three weeks of horror, me and L had finally gotten some order to everything. I had set us up a phone account and it actually was better then when he was in Pa. We were now able to talk to each other at least once a day. For some reason, it was cheaper for him to call me from Michigan. Go figure. I had gotten use to the time it took them to process and give him my mail. Now all we had to do was figure out how I was going to get out there to visit him. L was adoment about me not spending an arm and a leg to come out there. He didn't want me to come see him at a inconvience. Honestly, I didn't have it like that anyway, so I knew that if I was going to go there to visit him, it would have to be at a clearance rate.

First, I looked up airfare hotel and car rental. Lets just say that all of that was defniately not in the budget. For a weekend and only one person traveling, I really didn't want the trip to go over $500.00. L still thought that was too much to spend to come see him. While he fought with me about the cost of traveling to see him, I got on the computer and thought about different ways people traveled to other states. After lots of online googling, I came up with the idea to travel on the Greyhound Bus. The cost of a roundtrip ticket was less then half of a one way plane ticket to Michigan. The only problem with that was, it would be a 21 hour bus ride to get there. Yes, your reaction right now is just what my reaction was at that time. But at that moment I was also thinking of the price of the bus ride. Then came the car rental. I would have to catch a ride from the bus station to the airport to get a rental. And the cost for the rental would have been about 150.00 if I used their insurance. I contimplated not using their insurance and getting the rental for a bargain price of $55.00, but then I thought about the cost I would pay had I been in a car accident. I am a good driver but with me not knowing where I was going, I didn't want to take a chance. So then I came up with the idea of getting a hotel near the Prison and catching a cab to and from the Prison. So, I went online and found a hotel that was only about 4 miles from the Prison and got a quote. I added that plus a guess of how much I would pay for a cab ride and it ended up being cheaper then with me just having a rental car. So I booked the hotel and bus ticket. I wasn't going to tell L how I was getting there because I was sure that he would tell me no because of the long bus ride. I couldn't keep it a secret that long. When I told him, of course he was worried and not sure if he wanted me to take the ride. I explained the cost and that I would be driving through other cities like Cleveland and Detroit and I would be able to take pics and see other cities that I had never been to. After about a week of going back and forth with him, he finally was on my side with everything.

I will tell you on the next blog how my trip went. This blog shows you just how patient you have to be when your loved one is in Prison. You can't go into it thinking that everything will always go as planned. Nothing is on your time. Its the DOC's time and they move as fast or as slow as they want. They don't do things that will benefit you all the time. They do what is convienant for them. I had to learn that the hard way. I look back now and I pray that if another transfer happens, that I am able to take the experience from this transfer and apply it then. I don't want to be how I was back then. I hope to be stronger and better prepared emotionally for anything that comes along this journey.